2020 has definitely been an interesting and challenging ride for every person that I have spoken to, and I was no exception.
Some of the challenges I have faced have been losing some friends I thought were near and dear to me, but revealed their true colours in a both vicious and malicious way which I took very hard, and found extremely upsetting for months. I had to go down South during lock down to stay with my sister to care for my mental health due to this and other stress. As time goes on, my endometriosis is getting worse and more debilitating. I also had to undergo a surgery in July to get my ankle reconstructed, and unfortunately a month before that, a nerve injury in my neck froze my shoulder (I couldn’t lift my arm for months) This made navigating crutches, and being comfortable nearly impossible. Training or moving felt impossible. I was off work for about 10 weeks, and the week I was due back to work lost my young dog Lily to a terminal disease she was born with. Every single day of my recovery, I watched her slowly waste away from a healthy dog, to pure skin and bones – but she was still so happy. Being told to “choose a day” for her was by far one of the hardest things I have had to do. I still cry daily because I miss and love her so much (I don’t expect this to stop anytime soon). Many more woes I have experienced, but those are the big events.
But it is not all doom and gloom, and there have been many good things to be grateful for. I was so grateful to be able to spend all of my time with Lily before I had to say goodbye, and was able to fully care for her and keep her comfortable. Although I felt torn apart for “picking the day” for Lily when she was still playing and happy in front of me, I am grateful that when that day came, she let me know it was time to go. The send-off was peaceful and perfect.
My ankle surgery has already yielded such a great result (I snapped ligaments in it 8-9 years ago, and got away with it for a long time). My “new” ankle is already so much more stable, and my hip/knee pain is mostly gone (caused by the chronic instability I had). My shoulder is slowly getting better, and am slowly getting back into weight training, motorbike riding, walking, surfing, and Yoga (I was honestly going mental being unable to do any of these things).
I have also been able to spend so much more time with family and friends that I would not have been able to if it were not for lockdown/surgery recovery – and importantly, time with myself. I am feeling more “myself” than I have for a few years now. The unbelievable amount of support and love shown to me by friends and family has made me feel so cherished. When I went South, I stayed in my hometown (Kakanui) in my old sleepout next to the beach, and walked along the shoreline everyday with Lily to reflect. I was able to spend so much wonderful time with my beloved sister and niece. It was amazing.
I am most proud of myself and partner. Together, we have really trooped through some hard times that go far beyond this year alone. I am proud of the people we have grown to be, and it won’t be stopping here 🙂
One thing I have absolutely loved about teaching for the first half of this year has been students that keep showing up, and pushing themselves. I am honestly baffled with the strength and resilience I see from every student knowing some of the physical/mental challenges they face. It gives me so much motivation for myself, and for teaching. It was also very fun staying connected through lockdown with the online classes! I was also very surprised to become a semi-finalist for the NZ Yoga Teacher of the year award! I never expected to make it to the final, let alone that. Thank you so much to the Adapted community for your support.
Although we might be a bit more battered, I feel we have all overcome a really tough challenge (or a few) individually in some shape or form. We all deserve to proud of ourselves, and be kind to ourselves for what we have needed to do to cope and get through. Bring on 2021, and whatever challenges that may bring.